


be a darling for you or anyone who wants me at all

by Cirkne



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 21:18:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cirkne/pseuds/Cirkne
Summary: Jared's an android built by hooli.





	be a darling for you or anyone who wants me at all

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [be a darling for you or anyone who wants me at all](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16181555) by [Rautainen_Lintu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rautainen_Lintu/pseuds/Rautainen_Lintu)



In the first demo your name is Donald and you run just fine. Just smooth enough to be deemed a success and you see the way they look at you but you cannot analyze it yet (they add that part much later) so you file it away. The others- the humans would call it a memory. Your creators call it data storage. 

Next time they do tests he looks down on you. He. Looks down. He does not like the name Donald and he does not like the way you stand. You must be built taller and you must- you're nameless until they find something he likes. It is hard to please him, your creators confide in you. You still cannot analyze it, you file it away again. This is in case they need it. You know this. None of it is for you but you will come back, later. When they give you the ability to feel, you will come back. 

He is hard to please, yes, but he is spectacular. You could- should kneel at his feet but they give you no command. He watches you. He walks around to where your head cannot turn and you sit, unmoving, hoping for praise. It is something they give you. A need to please. An inability to say _no_ when asked. Compliance. They had talked, before this, about giving you free will and decided against it. You are the first, yes, but not the only. They need you to sell. 

You wish, selfishly, that he chooses you. You do not remember them adding this part. The longing. The desperation. It came, you figure, with the last update. Whether it is a bug or not- you do not know. You do not tell them you feel this way for they may take it away. You would tell him, of course. You could never lie to him. You don't know how literal that is because you haven't tried but you figure if he- if he chose you, you could never lie to him. 

He names you Jared. You are not programmed to feel anything about it but he says it. He. Says it. He. His voice. His fingers as he examines your face. They have flooded more data into you. You are his creation. You look, almost, real and you cannot lie. You are pinocchio. You long for what happens at the end of that story and you have a name. A real name. A name that he likes. You could never ask for anything else.

He doesn't choose you. No. He gives you away. You are a settlement prize. You are a means to avoid a lawsuit. You are the property of Richard Hendricks. Your first owner, your creators say like you are a pet. You might be. You do not know what he will make of you. Your first owner, your creators say and you are met with the realization that nothing before he gets you was real. He could wipe all the data you have gathered. He has the right to. You are his and you exist for him. 

He uses you for exactly what they put in the advertising. There were blogs and comments and posts and forums about the other things. The things your creators would not say but knew. It had been expected. Richard, though. Richard never tries. Never asks or tells you to. No, instead you wake him up and you make him tea. You bring him beverages from the kitchen and his sweater from his room. You do his laundry. Your full potential is wasted on him. You are a simple appliance. 

The others talk to you. The others ask you to bring them things and they say _please_ when all Richard ever says is _thank you_. There was talk about co-ownership. Families. Couples. Coworkers, even, but not like this. There was no hierarchy in the plans. There was no- 

Richard says:

"Bring me my keys first," and you stop on your way to the kitchen to get coffee for Dinesh. In the plans there is no _first_. You do your tasks, in the order they were given to you. You look at Richard. He is looking back. He looks tired. You know this. They gave you the ability to tell. You have a variety of things you can say. You are still looking at him. He is waiting. You leave the kitchen to do as he says. 

You will always listen to him. Maybe he’s not the one you were built for but he has taken you and he has made you his.

Gilfoyle does not trust you. He tells you so. You nod. You ask what you can do for him and he tells you to leave him alone. When you start to go, Erlich asks you to stay. You freeze in your spot. You are only the first. They did not think this far. Unable to fulfill either of their requests, you shut down. 

You return to what they would call consciousness in Richard's bedroom. You are sitting on the ground. Richard is sitting in front of you. Richard is sitting in front of you and this may be the first time he’s gotten this close to you on his own. You can see the pink in his cheeks. His freckles. You wonder if up close the blue of your eyes looks as deep as the blue of his or if that’s what makes him human.

"Okay he's awake," Richard says. Relieved. You have the ability to tell that one, too. 

"Just say turned on," Gilfoyle says from behind you. He has his hands inside the sensors in your back. "They really didn't give it an ability to choose, huh," he adds. "What were they thinking?"

"I am only the first," you answer. Richard is watching you. "Improvements will be made with the numbers." 

Richard frowns. You rewind the conversation. You search for what you have said wrong. You find nothing so you do it again. Again. You can see Richard frowning and you rewind. Rewind. He doesn't stop. You do not find an explanation. You study him and then you rewind that. He does not look at you. Rewind. Frown. Rewind. His eyes. Rewind. His smile falls. Rewind. 

Rewind. Re-

Gilfoyle complains about overheating. You force yourself to stop but it is too late. They shut you off again. 

When you come back, Gilfoyle is gone. You are still in Richard's room but he is wearing different clothes. You check your records just to be sure but you don't have to. He has a scarf wrapped around his neck now. Last time he wore a T-shirt. He explains, almost carefully, that they are building an update. That the indecision that made you shut down has caused an overheating problem. That this will take time. You ask if you will be of any use to him until then. He looks away. He says if they do not give you too many commands and if they do not let you run nonstop then, yes, you will be of use. The simple answer is no. You know this. You ask him why he is trying to spare the feelings of a non living creature. He frowns, again and you-

He shuts you off five minutes later. 

You make tea. You vacuum. You look at Richard's notes in case he loses them and needs someone to remember what he wrote. He refers to you as Jared in them. He calls you that in his to do lists, too. He tells you to remind him to check on you. You find moments when he does not look busy and you tell him and he jumps up and goes. Erlich says it's like you're no longer a gadget. Richard, looking what you should recognize as annoyed, says it's kind of the point. You do not know what they are talking about.

He tells you to do something and you go and he asks you to do things for the others too, sometimes. You watch them talk to him first. You do not wonder why they give him complete control over you so easy. This is what you were built for. Or, well-

It is 2:38am. He is shivering is his bed. He has forgotten to shut you off. Your systems are too warm but he has not asked you to remind him to shut you off. You stand by the desk. You wait for morning. He shifts. He sits up. He asks if he turned you off. You do not lie to him, he is your owner. He does not climb down to do it. Instead, he asks if you would climb up. You say _yes_ and do not move. He says _I mean- get up here, Jared_ so you do. He tells you how to position yourself. Where to put your limbs. He guides your arms to rest around him. He lets out a content breath at your warmth. _This_ is closer to what the blogs and the forums and the comments talked about. _This_ is what you were built for, really, after everything else is stripped down. You know this. You wonder if Richard will-

He shuts you off.

When he turns the switch in the morning, he has moved away from you. You went cold during the night, you realize, you became useless while he was sleeping. You were taking up his space and you weren’t giving him anything. He is not looking at you. You ask if you should make him breakfast now. He says _please_. He never does this. You climb down. 

It happens the next night too. And then the next and the one after that. He falls asleep pressed to you and turns you on when he has already moved away from you. You make breakfast. He talks to Gilfoyle about something. About you. You hear the way he says your name when he is not talking directly to you. You think you recognize it. You think he says it like a secret.

It keeps repeating. It's all the same. Climb down. Make breakfast. Make Gilfoyle coffee and bring Dinesh a redbull while Richard's tea brews. Read out Richard's appointments while he brushes his teeth. Write out a grocery list for Erlich. Sit at the workstation, wait till one of them asks you for something. Do it only when Richard says it's okay. Get into Richard's bed while he showers. Wait for him. Wait for him.

Wait. For. Him. Always. Every time, before anything. Wait. For him. For him. Wait. Your owner. _Dogs_ are not this loyal. They are also not created to be.

You are in his bed. He has been pressed to you for eighteen minutes. He says he should give you a heating function because he'll miss this when they fix you. You do not long or wish or hope but you rewind it right after, rewind it over and over for the three minutes it takes for him to finally shut you off for the night.

You have learned everything he will ask for. You still listen, of course, but you do not need to. It’s all the same. He says _good_ and smiles that way you know. That way he only smiles at you. You smile back. Because you’re programmed to but if you could decide for yourself, you think, you’d want to do it still.

In the kitchen Gilfoyle asks if you were always Jared. You tell him no and you make him coffee while Richard's tea brews. When you hand it to him, he doesn't take it. He says _I didn't ask for it_ and you shut down again. 

And then-

They switch you on. All four of them in the living room. Dinesh asks if Gilfoyle's tattoos are ugly. You cannot answer that. They do not look satisfied with this answer. You go to ask what they want but they turn you off again. 

Just Richard. His hand on your hand. He says _my hand is cold_ and it is a lie. You can tell, he’s practiced it. How careful he let's the words go. Your hand, where he’s touching it, warms up. He beams. Turns you off. 

Dinesh says _your favorite movie is inception_ you say _okay_ and you’re gone again.

Erlich stands in front of you. He tells you to hit him. You tell him, politely, that you are not allowed to hurt him. He knits his eyebrows together. He asks if you would defend yourself if he hit you first, you tell him no. He presses his lips into a thin line, calls for the other. You do not get to see them show up.

Gilfoyle. He asks what your name used to be. You answer. He asks if you liked it. You tell him, truthfully, that He gave Jared to you so you like Jared better, you have to. Gilfoyle says _fucking christ_ and you're off again.

You lose count but it’s always-

Richard comes, always, alone, smiling. He looks like he hasn’t been sleeping much but he shows up more than the other three, he does. He has his hands on your face one time. He breathes out. He says _okay_ and then repeats it twice. You are watching him watch you.

“What would you like me to do?” you ask.

“What would _you_ like _me_ to do?” he counters. You look at him. You are supposed to say that you need or wish for or want nothing. He still has freckles. His eyes are still blue. You shut down.

And then. Finally. _Finally._ They keep you on. You are standing in the living room and they are standing around you and you can tell that something is different. 

“I like that you’re here,” Richard says. It is no command. You nod at him.

“Grab me a beer from the fridge, would you,” Erlich says. They’re all looking at you and you open your mouth and you say.

“No.”

 _No._ Oh, you say no. You have never- 

You say it. You say it and they’re all smiling, all of them, even Gilfoyle. Your body does not carry you to the kitchen. You are allowed disobedience. And it feels-

It _feels_ you realize. You lift your hands to your mouth. You are supposed to do this in disbelief. In shock. You recognize the emotion on Richard’s face as pride but the one that explodes in your chest and travels all the way to your fingers, that one’s new. 

Eventually Gilfoyle tells you to stop smiling and he calls you Donald like it’s a joke, a shared secret. You like the idea of having secrets. Gilfoyle pretends to be annoyed with how happy you look. _Pretends._ Tells you they need to run more tests so you nod. So you listen. So you do as they say or you do the opposite. They look pretty pleased either way and then, then, then Richard asks you to go get his sweater from his room and you tell him that you’ll be back in a moment and you go and when you step into his room you realize he’s following you.

“You listened to me,” he says. There is something there. Now. The other three are still in the living room. You turn to look at him. His face, for maybe the first time since you’ve been his, is unreadable. 

“Of course,” you say and you go to grab the sweater but he puts his hands on your arm.

“Why did you listen to me, Jared? We- it’s supposed to be perfect. We worked for _months_ I- I made sure that you wouldn’t- you’re not supposed to do something just because we told you to, you’re not a servant anymore, Jared,” you blink down at him.

You think about rewinding this moment. The soft angles in his face. The way he won’t look at you but won’t let go of you either. The way he’s frowning. You realize you couldn’t tell why he was doing it before because you were not allowed hope. You were a machine. A human creation and Richard-

Richard made you real. 

“You looked cold,” you say. He lifts his eyes at you for a moment. He looks the same way you imagine yourself to look and then he dips his head again. You think of all the possible ways to say what you want him to know. You turn your body towards his. You use the heat function that he installed because he would _miss_ it. You pull him to your chest. “I _want_ to do things for you.”

“Okay,” he looks up at you. “That’s- yeah, that’s alright.”

“I _want_ to kiss you,” you tell him and his eyes go just a little wider and you’re supposed to ask him for permission but your body moves on it’s own and, and, and-

You’re kissing him and he is kissing you and nothing has ever felt this real or this big and solid. You were built for exactly _this,_ you think and you don't stop thinking it.

**Author's Note:**

> full disclaimer: i know this is a weird one. some people Cope 
> 
> title from nearer my god by foxing


End file.
